Friday, February 16, 2007

Guest Blogger on board....

I present my friend, Gretchen. You probably recognize her name from comments she leaves behind in her blogland reading wake, doesn't happen too very often but her comments are always great. Which is how I 'met' her....back before the holidays...our Blessed Harlot was doing her usual holiday spin and Gretchen left a comment for her...something like, "hey, where's the summer countdown lady and Rams, can't they make a knitting schedule like last year" granted, not verbatim but you get the idea, well....I just so happen to be the 'summer countdown lady' and I emailed Gretchen telling her I hadn't been consulted..heh...seriously, it really tickled me that someone would even remember the 'summer countdown lady'....so without further ado....

Here's Gretchen!


First I need to thank Marianne, our knotminder, for giving me this opportunity to expose myself. Not often do I get this chance with such a, well, enthusiastic kick in the pants. She was scrounging around for something to blog about (have you noticed the lag time here, since "I am Such an Idiot.?"), and I made the mistake of suggesting a list of possible topics, including the 6 weird things thing… Apparently, I missed that entry, but then I made the mistake saying that I could do that - meaning I could easily find 6 weird things about her, but, she twisted it around and begged - really begged - me to be a guest blogger. What's a girl to do. I do wonder why anyone would really care about six weird things of a stranger. In my corner of the world, most strangers, by definition, are weird to me. Naturally, weirdness falls away as they become less strangers and more acquaintances and finally friends. Ultimately, I find, the circle is complete as they become closer friends, I see their weirdnesses all the more, and love them for it. So it was with our Marianne and me. That, too, is how I come to be here admitting weirdnesses to people who have never read my voice…

1. Though anyone who drives in front of me may argue, I insist I am not a tailgater. I have no urge to push you on, get past you or otherwise harass you. Nope. I just see you as the next car to get behind. So if there's a seven-car space between us, my subconscious goal is always to close the gap between us. That's all it is. Occasionally I will snap-to and realize I may be a little close and back off or change lanes. But really, I mean no harm.

2. I only drink coffee at work. What's up with that? I can count on one hand the times I've ever made myself a pot of coffee at home in the morning for my own consumption. But the third thing I do after I get to my cube, after taking off the coat and plugging the laptop back in, is move to the coffee place. Please don't stand in my way. And then - just one cup. A big one, but only one.

3. Though I was a vocal major in college, I would really rather not sing alone in public. Ever. I can. I do on occasion, and I think on those occasions I do well enough. But I am the world's most reluctant vocalist. It's not really about shyness, lord knows, or fear. I just think people don't need to hear an average voice elevated to some other place because I found myself unable to get out of it. Stick me with 3 or 7 other people singing different parts and it's a whole different ballgame. Still, I think it's strange.

4. I know I'm not alone in this, but it doesn't change the fact that it's weird. I am not otherwise compulsive in anything. But my socks and shoes must go on Left/Right/Left/Right. No exception. If I somehow (how?) mess up, everything on my feet has to come off and I must start over. Luckily messing up hardly ever happens.

5. Something related to knitting? Hmm. The idea of the fur of small, domesticated (or not), non-standard fibre (that's for you, Marianne) animals -- for illustrative purposes say cats, dogs, possum, whathaveyou -- spun into yarn makes my stomach turn, and my skin crawl. Oddly enough, rabbits are the exception that proves the rule, as they say. Once you get to sheep, goats, llamas, I'm fine. In fact, I seek it out. And will happily shell out a large-ish proportion of my disposable income on it. Furthermore, I am respectfully curious about those big prehistoric animals - bison, musk-ox and that 'q' stuff. Not enough to hand over $60 for a skein that won't make a scarf to go around my neck, let alone cover my chest, but respectful. And listen, really, I don't hate those smaller creatures - love them all (except maybe the possum), and my head will even argue with my psyche about it (what is the frickin' difference - all soft, all 4-legged, all fur - what exactly is your issue?). I can't help it. I'm a Pisces - the psyche will win out, always.

6. I can't - really can't - sit down and knit or spin until all my chores are done. This can mean days of no knitting. Or picking up needles after the late news, or falling asleep in bed with needles in my hands. But the dishes must be washed, beds made, laundry done, rooms picked up, errands run, general tidiness abiding. Then I can knit. Maybe this is only weird if you know me. Because I haven't really been up for any fabulous housekeeping awards ever in my life, if you know what I'm talking about. So, maybe a bonus weirdness to make up for it…

I adore my dentist. Really. He is a fine guy. Doesn't make you get the crown until you absolutely have to. Wouldn't think twice of giving you another hit of numbing stuff even if you're being a baby. Love the guy. Maybe it's because I had a valium-induced reaction to our first encounter. He was, I don't know, reaming out my tooth root with a little itty-bitty file in his hand in my mouth AND apparently he had to do this in a way that had to be in a regular rhythm up/down/up/down, AND because I was very, very relaxed with the Valium he gave me to relax me, AND I had music going in my ears to avoid listening to all that sound (you know what I mean), AND my head was getting pushed back into the little headrest pillowy thing on that aerodynamic chair very rhythmically, I had, appropriate to nothing, and out of nowhere, well, let's call it an impure thought. I had this sensation of perhaps being part of some sexual rendezvous while getting my root canal. Just the sensation, you know, cuz I. Am. Stoned. Let me make it abundantly clear that nothing of the sort was going on, but as my head was pushed back again, and again, and again, I just couldn't get over the similarity…it was amazing. How can I not love the guy?

I think that's just about enough, don't you? Let's never speak of it again. Come back, Marianne, darlin', come back...


OK, it is I, Marianne, and yes, I might as well be 'blogless' as of late, I've pretty much been whappin' my forehead for several days....tis a sad sight.
I will admit that I did indeed beg Gretchen to guest blog for me, and yes, it was some serious begging going on too, but ya know...now that I think about it, there was no fibre deal involved....dudes, she's easy. Oops, ya'll keep quiet about that, not a word! I mean it. Not.A.Word.

I do want to tell you something.....

She's knitting a Snowdrop Shawl, yes. She's nearly completed a Snowdrop Shawl, yes. Snowdrop Shawl (the shawl our Blessed Harlot designed, that Snowdrop Shawl)

Gretchen, thank you so much and I sincerely hope you come back to guest blog again, I'll beg. Again. I'll beg big time......XOXOXOX

14 Comments:

Blogger Marianne said...

Oh yay...look I'm the first to leave a comment! imagine that.
Gretchen, you really crack me up....and I'm the same way with the chores issue, must do the chores first....ok, I don't do the socks and shoes thing....I do think that's funny. 'funny' doesn't even touch it.
Again, thank you sooooo very much!

16 February, 2007 14:23  
Anonymous Gretch said...

Wait a minute. I was expected to deal in fibre? I had an opportunity and blew it? Yikes. I'm losing my edge.
BTW - the right/left thing - same with earrings. Totally weird.

16 February, 2007 14:48  
Anonymous MonicaPDX said...

MMMMmmmmmphhphhhhphphphhhhphhh!

Are you two trying to kill me?!??

First I nearly die laughing at Ms. K's blog just a few minutes ago... And then I come here, in all innocence, like a trusting lamb led to the slaughter - yes, slaughter - after I've just barely put myself together, you understand, barely, with great care and difficulty, and what happens?

Gretchen. Gretchen happens. With extreme prejudice. (The CIA/military kind, I mean.) Gretchen, who does not seem to have a blog I might add, to add most serious insult to injury unto death.

And now Blogger's verification is apparently speaking Welsh. Well, actually, I love the way Welsh looks and sounds, always wanted to learn the language, so I guess that's all right. But it's gonna be a little difficult typing Welsh right now. Due to that falling apart thing, y'know.

You guys are evil. (And if we can't have you, Marianne, please, yes, we'd love to have Gretchen again. Hi, Gretchen!! Man, now I gotta go back and read all the comments, too. How did I miss Gretchen??)

God, I'm exhausted...

16 February, 2007 16:52  
Blogger Charity said...

Hello, Gretchen, nice to meet you! :0) You're both fun, and together, make a great team.

16 February, 2007 18:21  
Blogger Knit and fall back in it said...

What a great Friday evening chuckle. Thanks. Mom and I will make it to knit night one of these days. It seems like we go along with nothing to do until something comes up that we want to do and then all of the sudden there are 100 things that we have to do first. As I was typing that it occurred to me that it probably doesn't make any sense. Whatever, it sounded good inside my head. Gretchen, it was nice to meet you, thanks again for the laughs.

16 February, 2007 19:40  
Blogger Glenna said...

Glad to know you're still keepin' on, Marianne! And your sub-blogger Gretchen is doing a fine job :)

16 February, 2007 22:35  
Blogger picperfic said...

what a fab blog entry! Made me chortle I can tell you...first of all I really wished I hadn't read about the right-left thingy, cos now I'm scared I'll start doing it! I already have trouble every time I peel an onion, thank goodness DB (darling Barry to you and me)is doing an awful lot of the cooking these days. As for enjoying the rhythmic thrusting of the dentist well, I want some of what she had, maybe I don't, my dentist is a woman and I ain't scared mostly, well sometimes I am but you get my drift....
I think that stuff about doing the chores before knitting is a good bit of advice, I have been doing plenty of chores this morning so I feel able to spend time blog surfing and knitting now...
So glad you found a guest to write on your blog, I knew your last entry off by heart, well almost! NIce to meet you Gretchen :^)

17 February, 2007 07:27  
Anonymous ambereyedone said...

funny lady. i want a dentist that gives me valium when i have to sit in the chair of death just to have my gums aching so much when i get home that i NEVER want to brush my teeth again much less actually use that stuff they call floss, i think it's really an ancient torture device, but yeah a nice dentist that doesn't think twice about giving me some form of narcotics before he/she starts in on my poor poor sensitive mouth would truly be dreamy.... i think that was a runon sentence... yeah? anywho... it was...enjoyable reading your bloggie there gretchen... maybe someday my momma will let me be a guest... hint hint nudge nudge....

17 February, 2007 17:13  
Anonymous ambereyedone said...

lalalala connect the dots

17 February, 2007 18:56  
Anonymous Gretch said...

O, LaLa (may I?), I think your mama would love to have you guest blog. You've already made an appearance this year (happy birthday, dear girl) - why not words?

18 February, 2007 00:14  
Blogger Sarah said...

Thanks to the comedy double act for the fun :)

18 February, 2007 07:52  
Blogger Ms. Knitingale said...

Oh, I only WISH I was afflicted with number 6. Mr. K probably wishes it, too. But I'm the same about fibers, and I really don't get it either. I love cats, but I could no more knit with spun cat hair then I could rise and fly. And don't get me started on dog hair. (Delicate shudder). Am I the only one who thinks of dog-smell in relation to sweaters knit from spun dog hair? Is it just because I live in an area known for rain and wet dog smell is worse? (another shudder)

18 February, 2007 09:45  
Anonymous angie Cox said...

So you had a "falling of the pavement moment at the dentist you naughty gal" ..that's what my husband called it when I once had a naughty thought in town and the resulting physical re-action made me slip ..he knew though !! I have valium for anxiety and it just gives me horrible nightmares I can't be getting the right sort !! I wish I could do housework first and not try to sit in the mess and knit ..but there you go .

18 February, 2007 13:12  
Blogger Julie said...

I just don't get the "must get the chores done first" thing. Isn't that what husbands are for :)

Love the dentist story.

18 February, 2007 15:08  

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